The Best Small Talk Question Ever for Shy, Open-Minded Readers

Please help me welcome romance author Kinley Baker to the blog. Kinley's debut novel, Ruined, just came out with Crescent Moon Press. She's generously offered to give away a copy of her book to a random commenter.

Here's Kinley: In person I’m very shy, and one of the things I struggle with is small talk. I grew up in an isolated environment, so I never had to perfect this skill. From age three to eighteen, I was a competitive figure skater, so all I had to do was talk skating. Well, I could do that in my sleep. No problem.

Then college came, and it still wasn’t that tough to manage small talk. I could usually find something to start a conversation, such as partying or studying. That’s playing it pretty safe at any college. But then I entered the work force, and things changed. Suddenly, people (customers, co-workers, the bosses) wanted to small talk. Whaaat?

But have no fear. Are you a shy person with a fear of small talk? Do you like to read? Are you open-minded to all genres? Yes, this may be a small portion of the population, but I still have a solution. The best question ever!

Q: What are you reading?

This question has worked for me time and again. Whether it’s the woman at my work who loves Amish romance, or the closet romance readers who know I write romance so they whisper what they’re reading, or the guy who reads nonfiction, I can always pass by the dreaded small talk by distracting them into telling me all about what they’re reading. For someone like me, this revelation was critical! So I applied what I learned from my skating days: talk about what you know. Well, I know books. I’ve been through so many book phases I can talk about pretty much any genre. But I also like hearing about the variety of books, which I’m sure is important to the effectiveness of asking the question.

Books saved me from awkward small talk. And usually, talking about books leads to other topics. I’ve created friendships out of listening to someone’s opinion on a book, usually about a novel I haven’t read myself.

My only guideline for asking this question is to make sure you know what the person likes. Talking erotica with a nonfiction reader probably won’t alleviate awkwardness. The open-minded part is important because if you’re not respectful of what everyone likes, you’re just going to create tension, and the point of this is to conquer small talk awkwardness.

Are you wondering what to do if the person doesn’t read? Well, yeah, me too. I’m shy too, after all.

So, since some of you might be a little shy...What are you reading? ;-)

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BLURB for RUINED


Jessa is one healing away from death. Under the thrall of her gift, the Court's Senior Healer risks giving her life in exchange for her patient's.


Vale is a rebel ruler. When his brother is killed, he's given the throne and the decree from the Court to produce an heir or lose his family's hold on the land--and his deceiving advisors aren't afraid to use murder as a weapon if their directive to stay away from the Senior Healer goes unheeded.


But Vale burns to possess Jessa. The heat between them leaves a wake of smoke, and even the powerful forces above want to bind them in a union that lasts forever. Vale taking another would be a betrayal neither could survive.


Their enemies fear a child born of such a powerful Healer and Warrior, but the true threat lies in the bond forged in shadows and fused in fire.

You can buy Ruined here or here.


About Kinley:
Kinley Baker read her first romance novel at the age of thirteen and immediately fell in love with the hero and the genre. She lives with her husband and her dog, Joker, in the Pacific Northwest. As a firm supporter of all supernatural lifestyles, she writes fantasy romance, paranormal romance, and urban fantasy. You can find Kinley at her website, Twitter, Facebook, her blog, Goodreads, and her Facebook author page

Thanks so much for being here today, Kinley.

Adele Dubois: Introversion Has Its Price

Please welcome erotic romance author Adele Dubois to the blog. Her newest release is Rev Me Twice, with Ellora's Cave.

I haven’t always been an introvert. Back in the day, I was outgoing and comfortable in my own skin. During my childhood and teens, I performed on stage in community theatre. In my teens and twenties, I modeled in fashion shows. My job as a newspaper reporter and columnist required that I be affable and on the go. For years, I loved meeting new people and traveling to exotic places.

These days, I’m more comfortable inside my home office, alone with my manuscripts. And therein lies the problem. When I turned to fiction writing full-time, my imaginary world expanded while my social life contracted. I transformed from an extrovert to an introvert and discovered I liked the change of pace.

Introversion, however, comes with a price. My public speaking skills have rusted and my wardrobe needs updating. It’s hard to dress for success when your favorite clothes are baggy pants, shirts embossed with snowmen, and wool slippers. These days, dressing up for me means clean jeans with a grown-up blouse and real shoes.

If you see me at a writers’ conference or readers’ convention, please stop and say hello. Notice my make-up and stylish clothes and remember I wore them just for you. Otherwise, I’d be holed up inside my home office, writing books in my pajamas, wondering where the heck the day went.

*****
Adele Dubois is an award-winning author and former newspaper and magazine columnist, features writer, and foreign correspondent published in the Caribbean, UK, and USA.

When not on the beach by the ocean, or walking along the quiet shores of a Delaware bay, she and her family enjoy their rural eastern Pennsylvania home where she is currently working on her next novel.

*****
REV ME TWICE:
http://www.jasminejade.com/ps-8865-50-rev-me-twice.aspx

Adele Dubois Website: www.adeledubois.com/
Friend Adele on Facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/adele.dubois?ref=name
Find Adele on Twitter! http://twitter.com/AdeleDubois

The Shy Writer's Guide to Promotion, or Why I Love the Internet

Please welcome historical romance author Victoria Gray to the blog.

Personality tests tell me I’m an extrovert, though I suspect I actually straddle the line between extrovert and introvert. It may seem a contradiction, but I’m a reserved extrovert. It takes me a while to warm up to people, and I don’t look forward to making small talk with people I don’t know. Once I’m comfortable with you, watch out – I’ll talk your ear off. But before that time arrives, I’m rather quiet. So, the idea of book signings and face-to-face promotion isn’t incredibly appealing to me. I’ll do what it takes to promote my book, but I’m a writer, and I communicate best through the written word. That’s where the Internet comes in.

The Internet is a wonderful tool for writers, shy or not, to promote their work. Whether you’re pre-pubbed or a bestselling author, the Internet is a tremendous promotion resource. However, with so many promotion opportunities offered by the web, sorting through the options can be a bit mindboggling. There’s no way you can keep up with every Internet promo option that comes along. So, prioritizing is essential.

In my humble opinion, every author needs a website. Your website is a way to showcase your work and give your readers and prospective readers a look at you as a person and a writer. Fortunately, the cost of a website is extremely reasonable. Internet hosts offer domain names (the name of your site) and often feature templates that make it easy to design and maintain your own website. It’s possible to set up a multipage website and maintain the domain name for about $100 per year. I created my webpage in one weekend and periodically update it. I’m looking to fine-tune and expand in the near future – for this upgrade, I may obtain the services of a web designer. Many web designers are reasonably priced and create beautiful sites. Ask other authors with sites you admire to recommend a web designer or share hints on designing your own site. You’ll be surprised at how affordable a great website can be.

A blog is another vital tool for authors. You can set up your own blog or participate in a group blog. I’m a monthly contributor to Seduced by History, a blog comprised of historical romance writers, and contribute to other blogs on a guest basis (thanks, Rebecca!). I’ve visited several blogs in the past few months to coincide with the release of my historical, Destiny. I’ve posted historical articles, interviews about me, interviews about my characters, and a few posts that were just for fun, such as my tribute to bad boys on Seduced by History last month. An author can readily set up a blog within a few hours. Oh, did I mention that blogs are free? Sites such as WordPress and Blogger offer free blog space with a variety of bells and whistles for a price no one can deny is a bargain. What could be better than free?

While we’re thinking about free resources, an author should invest the time to set up Facebook and Twitter accounts. All it takes is an email and a little time, and you’re good to go. I’ve noticed many top bestselling authors have Facebook and Twitter accounts, and they post a great deal more than information on their books. One of my favorites, Teresa Medeiros, frequently posts pictures of her pet cats and reports brief anecdotes on their antics, reflects on recent movies and book releases, and posts pictures of gorgeous men. Her posts and tweets display a personal touch. This is endearing and makes her all the more relatable to her readers. To be honest, I’m working on this aspect in my posts…I’m a work in progress. I’m held back by the question – Why would anyone care about this? After all, I’m not famous or bestselling. But hopefully, if one or two “friends” can relate to something I’ve posted, they might become interested in my writing.

Twitter is another resource I use. I have to confess to being very limited in my tweets. I try to focus on writing, not watching the Twitter feed, which can become somewhat addictive. Some authors are masters at using the tiny bits of information you can put out with Twitter to promote their work. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it.

Online loops are another great free resource. I post excerpts and information on blog postings, new releases, and other items of interest (at least, I hope they’re of interest!) on my publisher’s online loop and also on my RWA interest group loops. Online loops are also terrific sources for networking, support, and research. The Hearts through History group is a treasure trove of writers with expertise in everything from medieval weaponry to the proper way to address a Baron. Other special interest groups discuss everything from erotica to the paranormal. Whatever your writing interest, there’s a group for you.

What Internet resources do you find most useful? What would you suggest to authors for promotion? What about advertising on websites? Have you tried it? Would you recommend it?

Victoria Gray wrote her first story soon after she started elementary school. When she was in the third grade, her mother bought her a Smith Corona manual typewriter. She was officially a writer! A trained librarian, Victoria uses her research skills to explore other eras in time. Her interest in research is a perfect fit with her work as a writer of historical romance. Victoria lives in Virginia with her own hero, her husband, Greg. The mother of two sons who are used to their mother burning food to a crisp when she runs back to her computer to write just a little bit more, she enjoys cycling, hiking and long walks on the beach when she’s not writing, reading or burning dinner. You can learn more about Victoria's writing on her website, her group blog, and her book trailer.

Resolving the Midlife (Career) Crisis

I'm delighted to welcome Lori Gray to the blog. Lori is a yet-unpublished writer of romantic fiction. She began writing at an early age, but set her dreams aside for a “real” job. Now well into her forties, she’s giving her earliest dreams another shot at the big time. She plans to be published by age 50. You can travel along with Lori as she journeys toward her writing goals at http://lorwrite.blogspot.com/

Here's Lori: One of my earliest childhood memories has to do with books, not just reading them, but writing them. As a preschooler, I was fascinated with Dr. Seuss. My teenage uncle (and regular babysitter) was going on a trip and asked my parents for books to read on the plane. I desperately wanted to write him a book myself, but I didn’t know how to write any of the big words yet. So I copied every word from The Foot Book, my favorite, onto construction paper and tied the pages together with a shoe string. My four-year old mind didn’t much care whether my book had illustrations. All I knew was that I was a WRITER!

Years passed. Childhood dreams gave way to teenage angst. Adult responsibilities quickly followed. Having just passed the 25 year mark being a full-time office cubicle dweller (the female version of Dilbert, eyeglasses and corporate uniform included), I began to question my own professional existence. So, I decided to make myself a Bucket List. Skydiving and safari had no interest for me. But, there were things I DID want to do:

1) Finish my bachelor’s degree

2) Write and publish a novel

3) Re-learn to play piano and perform professionally

Over the years I wrote now and again. I published dozens of articles in paralegal magazines and worked part time as a stringer for our local paper. I even managed to complete several novels, albeit decades ago. I guess none of it ever seemed as prolific as Dr. Seuss’ words, “foot, foot, foot!” So, I kept working. Even my childhood piano sat idle in my living room.

What’s interesting in this journey of life is that some of the roads not taken in our youth reappear later on. About a year into my college courses, I was offered a opportunity at work to learn technical writing. Two years later I am now writing full time instead of filing!

Now my co-workers are words instead of people. Spending my entire workday managing grammar instead of grumpy bosses has released floodgates of new ideas. I find myself less frustrated and more excited to see what else is possible in the future. Enthusiasm for romance writing has found me again, and I am attempting new things, like blogging! You lucky souls are reading my very first!

Are you wondering what else is possible in your life? Make a list. Take a risk. You never know what’s around the next corner. Just follow your feet!

Tongue-Tied? Try Toastmasters

Allow me to introduce this week's guest blogger: Keli Gwyn

Scared of Speaking?


Knocking Knees. Hammering Heart. Perspiring Palms. What do they have in common?

All three are symptoms of the #1 fear

And what is that?


Public speaking tops the list of things that terrify us. According to numerous sources, not even the fear of death surpasses it. The mere thought of standing behind a podium with people peering at us can turn even the most outgoing person into a stammering, cotton-mouthed scaredy-cat.


Writers and Speaking
Why do we, as novelists, need concern ourselves with public speaking? Especially those of us, like me, who freely admit we’re shy writers? After all, don’t we spend most of our time alone in front of our computers with only our characters (and perhaps a pet or two) for company? Aren’t non-fiction writers the ones who have to build a platform and speak to promote their books?


I’ll answer those questions with one word: readers.

We want our books to be read and enjoyed by many, right? One way for that to happen is for us to interact with our readers, potential readers, and writer friends who serve as reviewers and influencers.

And how do we reach them? Sure, we use email. But we also speak—in our writer groups, at meetings, at conferences, in the classroom, in those all important pitch sessions. Sometimes we’re even given (or can actually be brave and seek) opportunities to speak, which enable us to reach a number of people at one time.


Speak? Shudder. Who is she kidding? I’m no speaker. The thought terrifies me.


If thoughts like those run through your head at the idea of addressing an audience, you’re not alone. But help is available.


A Proven Solution
One of the best programs for improving as a speaker is Toastmasters. Founded in 1924, Toastmasters International (TMI) has over 250,000 members in 106 countries and has helped countless people improve their speaking skills and develop in other ways too. How do I know? I’ve been a member for two years and have benefited personally. If you’ve considering joining Toastmasters but don’t know what it’s about, I’ll give you an inside look.

How do I find a club?
Many communities have a Toastmasters club—often more than one. To locate a club near you, check your local phone book or newspaper’s club section. You can also visit the TWI website, www.toastmasters.org, and click the “find” link on the home page. Club locations and meeting day/times are listed.


Can I check out a TM club before I join?
Most clubs are open to the public and are eager to have you visit—more than once if you’d like. If more than one club in your area meets at a time that would fit into your schedule, I suggest visiting both. Although clubs follow the same format, each has its own style or atmosphere.

What is the format?
Most club meetings, which are generally an hour long and take place once a week, follow a similar format with five major components.

1) Business meeting – After the Sergeant at Arms calls the meeting to order, s/he will introduce the Toastmaster (TM) for the week. This position, along with the others, is filled by a different member each week. The TM introduces the members who are serving in various roles and invites them to explain their duties. Some of these roles are Timer, Joke Master, and Grammarian, who will announce the Word of the Day.

2) Prepared Speeches – The TM introduces the members scheduled to speak that day. These members prepare their speeches in advance, using guidelines outlined in a manual. New members work through the first manual, the Competent Communicator, which contains ten speeches aimed at teaching the basics, such as organizing a speech, using vocal variety, and incorporating body language. Once a member has completed the ten speeches in this first manual, he or she has a choice of many manuals from which to choose, such as The Entertaining Speaker, Storytelling, and Humorously Speaking. Each speaker must stay within the time constraints of his/her speech to qualify for the awards given at the conclusion of the meeting.

3) Table Topics – The Table Topicsmaster leads the extemporaneous speeches portion of the meeting. S/he chooses a topic for the week, which is often related to the theme for that week’s meeting. The members who volunteer or are chosen to speak address the given topic in a one-two minute impromptu speech. To qualify for the awards, the speakers have to meet the minimum time requirement and incorporate the Word of the Day into their speeches. This portion of the meeting tends to be a great deal of fun. Visitors are welcome to participate.


4) Evaluation – The General Evaluator (GE) leads this portion of the meeting. S/he introduces the members serving as Evaluators, who provide two-three minute oral evaluations of the prepared speakers. The GE then asks for the Grammarian’s report. The member serving in that position reports on good use of language. In some clubs, s/he will also mention the use of crutch/filler words used by members, such as “um,” “ah,” or “you know.” The GE concludes this portion of the meeting with an overall evaluation of the meeting.

5) Conclusion – The awards/ribbons for Best Prepared Speaker, Best Table Topics, and Best Evaluator are presented. The TM turns the meeting over to the presiding officer, who deals with any club business and concludes the meeting.

How much does it cost to join?
A new member pays a one-time $20 membership fee, which covers the cost of the first two manuals: Competent Communicator and Competent Leader. A monthly fee, currently $4.50, is paid to TMI. Collected every six months, this fee entitles a member to receive the monthly Toastmaster magazine. In addition, each club assesses a monthly fee to offset operating expenses. Mine charges just one dollar a month.

What are the benefits of Toastmasters?
1. Improved Presentation Skills -- A member learns to prepare an organized, engaging speech. In addition, s/he practices the skills needed to present a polished performance and maintain the audience’s interest. Among these are good use of voice, body language, timing, props, and humor.

 2. Thinking on Your Feet -- TM members get practice speaking without a script as they fill the various roles and participate in Table Topics. Learning to be more comfortable speaking extemporaneously would help a writer in many ways: interacting with readers, other writers, friends, and family members. Table Topics practice could help when we’re put on the spot, such as when we get that unexpected opportunity to pitch our projects in an “elevator speech.”


3. Listening Skills -- When serving as an Evaluator, one learns to listen better, which would help a writer in communications with his/her agent and editor(s).


4. Business Skills -- A member learns leadership and time management skills, both of which would benefit a writer in handling the business side of writing.


5. Dealing with Criticism -- Learning from the Evaluations of one’s speeches helps a member improve his/her speaking skills. In addition, this experience could help a writer learn how to accept constructive criticism such as s/he receives from agents, editors, mentors, and writing partners.


6. Increased Confidence -- One of the greatest benefits of TM, especially for shy writers, is the growth in self-confidence. Facing a fear takes courage. Doing something to minimize that fear is empowering.


7. Fun and Friendships -- TM meetings can be a lot of fun. I look forward to seeing my TM buddies every Wednesday at noon, knowing we’ll have a great time together. We learn in a mutually supportive environment. And we laugh—a lot. Facing a fear with friends who become allies in the battle builds special relationships.


8. Financial Rewards -- Once you’ve joined TM and have grown more comfortable as a speaker, you may find it easier to interest groups in having you as their guest. The fact that you are a trained TM will add credibility, and you may find that you can charge a fee and get paid to speak. Plus, once you’ve sold a book, speaking endears you to an audience, and you’re apt to gain new readers from those who listened to your presentation.

From Cotton-mouthed to Confident

After two-years in TM, I no longer get quite as nervous before a speech as I used to. That doesn’t mean I’ve overcome my inherent shyness. I still deal with dry-mouth during a speech on occasion, but most of the time, my audience doesn’t know I’m scared, which I count as progress.

Fear of public speaking is real, but we can do something about it. If you want to face yours, I encourage you to explore TM as an option. I have a hunch you’ll be glad you did.

If you have questions about Toastmasters that I haven’t covered, please leave a comment, and I’ll do my best to answer them.

Keli writes inspirational historical romance and was a double Golden Heart® finalist in 2008. Her Christmas present this past year was an offer of representation from Rachelle Gardner of WordServe Literary. Keli and her extremely supportive hubby, who serves as her plotting partner, live in the heart of California’s Gold Country. In addition to writing and participating in her local Toastmasters club, Keli enjoys taking walks down the narrow streets of her small town while admiring the Victorian homes gracing them. She has a fondness for Coach handbags and is a long-time Taco Bell addict.

To learn more about Keli, visit her website or her popular blog, Romance Writers on the Journey

Facing our fears...whatever they are

Sixteen days from now I face one of my greatest fears. Sitting behind a table with a pile of my books, in an actual bookstore, hoping like crazy someone will show up and actually buy one of my books. But, you know what I’m starting to learn? This fear is a result of something far deeper. It’s the same thing that feeds my anxiety of getting out from behind my PC and venturing into the world as a bona fide author. A real, honest-to-goodness author. I began to understand this fear a bit more after my first meeting with a bookseller. Suddenly I was incredibly shy (more so than my natural shyness), my heart was pounding, my face was burning – all because I was about to admit I was an author.

You see, the problem is embracing this new identity, this great, dream-come-true identity that I have longed for since a child. And suddenly I’m afraid to step out into the light and admit what I am. An author. A writer. A creative person.

I have no advice, no report from the trenches since I’ve yet to leave the confines of my peaceful home, but if you’re like me and you find yourself approaching a milestone you’ve worked hard for, whether it be sending out that very first query, or pitching to an agent, or going to your first book signing, and you find yourself more shy than normal, anxious, afraid, or all of the above, then remember this:

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
Talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
People won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people
Permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

--Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

So my greatest fear is not the booksellers. It’s not a book signing, or a reading in front of a hundred people, or the fact that I’m a naturally shy/introverted person. It’s an inability to believe I have the right to be successful, to believe that I am worthy and deserve this, that I am ‘powerful beyond measure’.

So when I’m sitting behind that table, I’m going to keep telling myself that it’s okay to let my light shine.

Hmm. Maybe I should hand out sunglasses.