Sixteen days from now I face one of my greatest fears. Sitting behind a table with a pile of my books, in an actual bookstore, hoping like crazy someone will show up and actually buy one of my books. But, you know what I’m starting to learn? This fear is a result of something far deeper. It’s the same thing that feeds my anxiety of getting out from behind my PC and venturing into the world as a bona fide author. A real, honest-to-goodness author. I began to understand this fear a bit more after my first meeting with a bookseller. Suddenly I was incredibly shy (more so than my natural shyness), my heart was pounding, my face was burning – all because I was about to admit I was an author.
You see, the problem is embracing this new identity, this great, dream-come-true identity that I have longed for since a child. And suddenly I’m afraid to step out into the light and admit what I am. An author. A writer. A creative person.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
Talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
People won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people
Permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
--Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson
So my greatest fear is not the booksellers. It’s not a book signing, or a reading in front of a hundred people, or the fact that I’m a naturally shy/introverted person. It’s an inability to believe I have the right to be successful, to believe that I am worthy and deserve this, that I am ‘powerful beyond measure’.
So when I’m sitting behind that table, I’m going to keep telling myself that it’s okay to let my light shine.
Hmm. Maybe I should hand out sunglasses.