Week 1—The Artist’s Way
Recovering a Sense of Safety
So… week one. It’s all about feeling safe with one’s
creativity, safe from others’ judgments and safe from my own. My internal
editor is a total bitch (her name is Helga), and AW is all about learning to
ignore Helga and be a bad artist for a while if that’s what it takes.
Julia Cameron says our biggest enemy is our negative core
beliefs. She says if we are blocked in an area of our life, it’s because we
feel safer that way. Hmm. This used to be my issue, which is why I’ve done the
program before. But right now, I haven’t been writing (being an artist) for several
months due to personal reasons that have nothing to do with writing. Back in
October my husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer after a routine
screening. His prognosis is good, but our world went topsy turvy, and my focus
turned far away from my writing to him and our kids. I haven’t written more
than 2000 words since early October.
Normally, that would really stress me out, but I’ve been
very patient with myself because I know I’ve been focusing on what’s important.
However… now that my hubby is between treatments for the moment, I feel ready
to get back to the page. I never feel quite right unless I’m writing. Unfortunately,
when I sit down in front of the computer, Helga is screaming in my ear so
loudly that all I can do is stare at my blinking cursor. She’s telling me that
my writing isn’t important at all, my husband is. That if I focus on my
writing, I’m not focusing on him. Or my kids. Even though they all want me writing again.
I just can’t shut Helga up on my own. Thus, the Artist’s Way
to the rescue. I can’t say I’ve made a ton of progress in one week, but I did
my morning pages every morning (three pages of unedited, stream of conscious
writing). I did most of the tasks, and even did my artist date—Cameron says in
order to be a good artist, we must regularly fill the creative well. That means
taking myself on a weekly artist date. I went to Ben Franklin, a craft store I
haven’t spent much time in for years. I made myself walk down every aisle,
lingering longer in the print art and gallery section, and the art supplies
section. But I felt very antsy, like I was wasting time and should be doing
something else, like being home with my family (I blame Helga again).
Anyway, doing this program makes me feel like I’ve come home
again—maybe because I did it in the early days of my writing career, when I was
20+ years younger. I look forward to seeing what the program can do for me this
time, now that I’m older and wiser. (Um… Older, yeah. Wiser? Ha ha ha ha.)
If you’re doing the program with me, let me know how you’re
doing and if you had any a ha moments.
