Reacting to negative comments

WHAT DO YOU DO IF....

There's nothing that strikes fear in an author like talking with a group of readers and have one of them say - "Oh, I don't read that junk." Talk about a depression-inducing moment. Here you are, gathering courage to talk about something that is dear to your heart (if it isn't - you shouldn't be doing it) and have an individual cut your feet out from under you.

So what do you do? What can you do?

A few would say, leave the conversation. Some would say - nothing. Change the subject, because everyone is allowed their opinion. Yes, that is correct, but is it the best way to go? I don't think so.

Instead, how about asking questions. Something like - what don't you like about my genre? What do you read? The one thing I've found when I'm talking about books is everyone loves to talk. Just as everyone has an opinion. If you ask the questions, without getting defensive, the person to whom you're talking will be more than happy to give you an opinion. If you are in a group, you will be surprised because others will come to your defense and you won't have to say anything.

Another thing I've learned. I wait until someone asks what I do. It's a great conversation opener and works much better than opening up with I'm an author, or I write romance novels. When someone asks what I do, I smile and say quietly, I write books. It always amazes me how many will ask if I write children's books. Usually the next question is am I published. I am, so I nod. Then the usual question is what do you write. I write romance and that's usually when I get the 'junk' statement. So I immediately ask what kind of books they read. The conversation will usually start following from there. Most authors read a lot of genres, so questions like, who's your favorite author and so on may in fact give you even more to talk about.

What's great is the person you talked to will probably remember you as someone nice, a reader first. At a future time, when your name is mentioned , the individual you spent time with will offer an opinion about what a nice person you are, etc. And there you go. It's called word-of-mouth!

Award winning author, Allison Knight began her writing career like many other authors. She read a book she didn’t like and knew she could do a better job. She grabbed paper and typewriter (computers weren't available back then) and announced she was going to write a book. Her children hooted with laughter. “Yeah, Mom, when cows fly,” her daughter declared. She took classes, joined a critique group, wrote, rewrote and wrote some more. When her first book sold, she came home from her teaching job to find a stuffed toy cow rotating from the ceiling fan in the family room. It seemed - “Cows did fly!” Since that time, Allison has written and published seventeen books with a gothic anthology and another medieval romance to be released in 2010. Allison often speaks at writers conferences and has taught writing classes eager to share her knowledge and her love of romance novels. You can learn more about Allison on her website.

How A Shy Writer Learned To Make The Most Of The Golden Heart Experience

Please help me welcome super-talented and award-winning romance writer Joleen James to the blog. Not only is she one of the nicest people around, she's also a four-time Golden Heart Finalist (including 2010).

Here's Joleen:

The Golden Heart experience can be a wonderful career boost, but to really get the most out of the contest you need to put yourself out there, and for a lot of us, including me, that’s tough. Attending the National conference can be intimidating, even for the multi-published. When you’re a little fish, even making a small splash can be painful.

I’ve been a Golden Heart finalist four times, and it’s taken me that long to figure out that I needed to become my own advocate, toot my own horn, because no one was going to do it for me. The first time I finaled, I pushed myself to send out three proposals to three different agents. To my surprise, two of the agents offered to represent the book. I chose one of the agents, and I let her take over. I did nothing else.

When I finaled the second time, I still had an agent. I went to the National conference. I met with editors, but again, nothing really happened. Around this time the historical market was dying. I had some tough choices to make. My agent was losing interest in me. I began to think about reinventing myself. Out of necessity I began writing contemporary romance, but I wasn’t sure where my voice fit. I’m sure this was tough on my agent. Eventually, we parted ways.

That’s when I got to work and decided I had to stand up for myself and be my own advocate. I am responsible for my career. For years I’d been content to let others dictate my career path. Once I made the decision to put myself out there, things began to change.

When I finaled in the Golden Heart a third time I began to shop for an agent, but because the book had already been rejected by the category line I’d written it for, I didn’t have any luck. Did that stop me? Nope. I won the Golden Heart for this book.

Winning the Golden Heart gave me the confidence I’d been lacking. For the first time, I took charge of my career and took a long, hard look at what I had to offer a publisher. I came up with a big, fat zero. I wasn’t doing anything to promote myself or my work. Why would a New York publisher want to take a chance on me? What did I have to offer them? Around this time I read two great books: Get Known Before The Book Deal, by Cristina Katz, and The Author’s Guide To Building An Online Platform, by Stephanie Chandler. These books opened my eyes and made me realize that I needed to offer potential publishers something more than just my manuscript.

I put up a website —this was hard for me. Again, I hate to toot my own horn, but as an unpublished author with no book covers to take up all the space on the front page of her website, I had to post something personal about myself. I listed my Golden Heart finals. I posted links to my 1st Turning Point articles. I even included the short synopses of my two most recently completed books.

At this same time my critique group submitted a workshop proposal, and it was picked up. Giving a workshop is right up there with getting my teeth drilled. I’ve presented at workshops before, and it always amazes me that the seats are filled. No matter what stage you are in your career, you have experiences to share.

In addition to promoting, I also realized I had to keep writing. I wrote two more books following my Golden Heart win. I entered the Golden Heart again, and I finaled a fourth time. This time I was ready. My website was up. My name was out in cyberspace. I belonged to several loops (although, I’m not as active as I’d like to be--I still have a hard time sharing anything via a loop, even good news—I am working on this).

I queried agents, and this time I found one. I attended the National conference in Orlando. I introduced myself to my fellow finalists, not easy for me, but so rewarding. I met new, wonderful people. I went to an editor appointment, nervous beyond belief, and I actually had the best appointment I’ve ever had. This time if an editor searches for me online, he or she will find something; see that I’m doing my part to promote my work.

Each time you put yourself out there, it gets a little easier. If you don’t take the chance you’ll never know if you missed something great. Take baby steps. Introduce yourself to your fellow chapter members or conference attendees. Smile. Send your work out. Do a guest blog or two. If you don’t have a website, at least begin thinking about the content. You’ll know when you’re ready to take the big leap into personal promotion.

For me, it’s time to learn about Twitter. I need to build a Facebook fan page. I actually want a TweetDeck. I’ve come a long way. If I can put myself out there, you can too!

Joleen Wieser James won the Golden Heart® Award in 2008 for her series contemporary book Under A Harvest Moon. A four-time Golden Heart finalist, she has also finaled/placed in several Romance Writers of America® sponsored contests, including The Maggie Award of Excellence, The Orange Rose, and The Heart of the Rockies. Most recently, she’s taken on columnist duties at 1st Turning Point, an online promotion site for authors. When she’s not busy writing, she enjoys spending time with her family at her lakeside home in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

This little introvert went to conference

Please welcome YA author B.A. Binns to the blog.

To me, writing is the perfect job. I’m the kind of girl who prefers alone time. Crowds devour me. I love silence and solitude. And walking up to a stranger and beginning a conversation – you have got to be kidding. Writing sheltered me from this. I like putting my fingers on the keyboard so much I finished three manuscripts in the last two years. One became a Golden Heart finalist for 2010. Another became my first sale; a YA entitled PULL, due to hit store shelves this October. I mention these so you know that I walked into the RWA National Conference last month with two very important ribbons attached to my badge, a Golden Heart finalist and a First Sale. I also walked in with clamoring nerves.

2010 was my real first RWA National conference. I attended the 2008 conference, but the truth is that barely counts. I was both new to RWA and still deep inside my introvert shell (I score at the top 3% on the charts, thank you very much), so all I did was attend workshops. I raced from room to room on tired legs, determined to soak in every piece of knowledge available. I ended up exhausted. I met absolutely no one except the poor agent and editor I pitched to. I don’t remember their names and I only pray to God they don’t remember my babbling. This introvert didn’t have the energy required to step up to strangers and say hello, so I left knowing no one I didn’t know before I arrived. In the end I felt lost and that I had wasted my time and money attending.

Fearful of another exercise in frustration, I skipped 2009, not wanting to repeat that experience. But this year I decided to give things another try. I realized the conference would be what I made of it, and I decided I needed to make connections. I had a GOAL when I signed up for the 2010 RWA National conference: to network, network and Network. I was going to make friends and – well, if not influence people, at least get to know lots of them.

Even if it killed me.

I psyched myself up before boarding the plane. You will talk to people, I told myself, especially first-timers in memory of all the people I wish had spoken to me. I began by accepting an invitation to room with a near total stranger, Gail Zerrade, who writes under the name Clarissa Southwick. She and I are both members of the Unsinkables, as we 2010 Golden Heart finalists call ourselves. We’ve emailed for several months, so I convinced my shy self that staying with her wasn’t exactly the same as being with a complete stranger. Gail and I clicked and I enjoyed my time with her in spite of the huge jolt to my system. And that was just the beginning.


Another step in my goal involved volunteering. I worked at the Conference bookfair, talking to shoppers, answering questions, and handing out my cards for two hours Wednesday morning. I also volunteered at the Pro Retreat, and began to enjoy calling to people and waving them over to my section. After that, I was warmed up and ready to keep exercising my networking skills.

Receptions abounded, and I chose to attend those and other people-meeting activities over sitting quietly in workshops. So if you’re reading to find out the juice about workshops, you’ll have to go elsewhere. I purchased the conference CDs the first day so I could concentrate on and moving outside my comfort zone to meet and mingle with people.

The internet is an introvert’s best friend, and I have become a joiner. I am a member of a number of RWA chapters, including Chicago North and WisRWA. I am also a member of the online chapters YA RWA (“say it like a pirate”) a special interest group for young adult writers, and the Golden Network, a special interest chapter for current and past Golden Heart finalists. I am also a member of GIAM, the writing Goal-In-A-Month group put together by Amy Atwell that taught me to set goals if I want to achieve results. It felt great to meet her in person for the first time.

Each group held get-togethers during conference. Because my novel, PULL, had won the YA category of the Oklahoma RWA chapter’s “Finally A Bride” contest, I also received an invite to their reception. Once I took a deep breath and decided to step outside that invisible comfort zone of mine, I was in a whirlwind of breakfast meetings and after-hours get-togethers every day. I met people, shaking hands, exchanging cards and meeting my goals. I made an appearance at every reception I was eligible to attend, especially the one’s with open bars! I went, I talked, I even hugged – a big deal for me. I chatted with agents and editors – yes, chatted, no pitching required since I had already made a sale, so I was able to relax around them.

I managed long talks with some of my favorite authors too, including Courtney Milan, Kayla Perrin, Karen Rose, Julia Quinn and Lori Wilde. And Lisa Kleypas, whom I’ve been reading and loving for years, not only asked about my book, PULL, when she saw my first sale ribbon, but said she wanted to read my book!! My heart jumped when she said took my card. One of my major idols wanted to read my book. Shows the power of the quick pitch, I gave her three sentences, she loved the concept.

No, I didn’t win a Golden Heart, but I more than achieved my goal and the conference was worth every penny. The Golden Heart finalist status helped. So did that First-timer ribbon. But the big difference was my attitude. This was my real first-time. I met my idols, learned to talk to editors and agents as if they were normal people (they really are) and greet people I didn’t know. I even introduced myself to several first-timers who looked as lost as I probably did back in 2008. Somewhere in the middle of things I found time to attend five workshops and three book signings so I had to ship a huge box of books home. In the end I distributed about eighty cards, and received about fifty. I attended eight receptions/chapter meetings – many of them simultaneously a feat even many paranormals would have difficulty achieving.

My schedule:

Wednesday
Volunteer at Bookfair
The Golden Network Retreat
Literacy signing
WisRWA get-together
GIAM get-together

Thursday
Simultaneous breakfasts with both other Unsinkables and YARWA
PRO Retreat
The Golden Network Reception
Oklahoma Romance Writers reception
YARWA meeting and reception
Chicago North reception,

Friday
Golden Heart Reception
Two private receptions

Saturday
Golden Heart practice
Dress (an activity all by itself)
Awards ceremony

Sunday
Harry Potter World!

Monday
SLEEP!!

Best of all, I scheduled down-time. Sunday and Monday while everyone else was rushing for the airport, I relaxed by the pool, toured Downtown Disney and visited both Epcot and Harry Potter.

Oh yes, I managed to raid the Goodie Room, too. And I’m relaxed and eager to do it all again in 2011 in New York.

B.A. Binns grew up on the south side of Chicago, Illinois, the eldest of five children. Her love of education led her to haunt the halls of the University of Wisconsin, Michigan State University, Depaul University, Roosevelt, Chicago State, and Harper College. She's worked as a computer programmer, trainer, raised one child, retired early, and now spends her days volunteering—and writing. Her debut novel, PULL, releases October 25. You can learn more about B.A. Binns on her website and her blog.

Maybe You're Not Shy After All...

Please help me welcome romantic suspense author R. Ann Siracusa to the blog.

When I agreed to write an article for Rebeccas’s Once Written Twice Shy blog, I intended to share some of my own experiences learning to overcome shyness and being in the public eye. But after reading the blog, and others dealing with shy writers and shyness in general―I was surprised at how much there is out there on the topic―I was struck by how many writers made statements like J.A.Saare on June 25, 2010 when she wrote, “The truth is, as often as I think of myself as shy, I’ve been told I’m quite the opposite.”

Hey! That’s my story. So, what’s the deal?

While researching the topic, I decided many of us may suffer from confusion in terminology. I’m not sure that makes a difference in how one handles marketing, selling yourself to editors and agents, making public presentations, handling book signings, and the like. But I do believe the more we understand about ourselves, the easier it is to address our problems and make informed choices. Besides, as authors, we are word crafters and should be masters of that craft. Words do make a difference.

So here goes! Instead of being shy, you may be an extrovert who is shy. Well, that’s crazy. Shy people are introverts. The words mean the same thing. Everyone knows that. I thought so, too, but not according to psychologists and experts in the field.

Shyness
Shyness can be defined as feelings of apprehension, discomfort, anxiety, dread, lack of confidence, or awkwardness experienced when a person is in proximity to, approaching, or being approached by other people, particularly in new situations or with unfamiliar people. In biology, the word “shy” generally means "tends to avoid human beings."

While most experts generally agree on the definition, I found in my research numerous opinions about the reasons for shyness. Most sources indicated shyness as a learned behavior which can occur in certain stages of development in children, is learned in a certain cultural environments, or is a cultural norm. And not only that, but it’s a learned behavior which is fueled by a concern that one will be (or is being) judged negatively by other people, regardless of whether this is actually the case.

As a result, many shy people never overcome this feeling of discomfort in social situations because they limit social interactions to reduce their anxiety.

But, hey! If it’s learned behavior, it can be “unlearned,” right? Yes, it can.

Introversion
Introversion is another matter. Introvert and Extrovert are defined as personality types and all people seem to be categorized as being one or the other, although a few experts acknowledged there are people in the middle although they may have a tendency toward one type or the other. Not one article I read stated or implied that this is learned behavior.

By most definitions, introverts tend to be people who are reserved, less outgoing and less sociable. They aren’t necessarily loners, but tend to have smaller circles of friends and find it easier to solve things inside their heads without help. Introversion doesn’t mean social discomfort but rather social preference. An introvert may not be shy at all but may merely prefer non social or less social activities. Another expert described introverts as needing more down time. This natural preference is found in the animal kingdom where some species prefer to live and travel in groups or herds and others tend to be solitary.

Sophia Dembling, in her post “Introversion vs. Shyness” on her Psychology Today blog The Introvert’s Corner, draws the distinction clearly:
▪ Shy is the fear of socializing.
▪ Introversion is a lack of interest in socializing.
She also writes, “Someone who is introverted and shy will behave differently from someone who is introverted and not shy, who will behave differently from someone who is extroverted and shy, who will behave differently from someone who is extroverted and not shy.” And, by the way, this is good information for developing fictional characters.

The bottom line: Both introverts and extroverts may suffer anxiety in social situations. Presumably, based on Dembling’s statement, they would handle it quite differently.

A Comparison
Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., a researcher, educator, author, psychotherapist and authority on introversion, compares introverts and extroverts on her site The Introvert Advantage:
Introverts:
▪ Enjoy time alone
▪ Good listeners
▪ Appear calm and self-contained
▪ Consider only deep relationships as friends
▪ Feel drained after outside activities, even if they were fun
▪ Think, then speaks or act

Extroverts:
▪ Like to be in the thick of things
▪ Relish variety
▪ Know lots of people, considers lots of people friends
▪ Enjoy chit-chatting, even to strangers
▪ Feel stoked after activity
▪ Speak or act then think or think while speaking

According to several articles, people who are in between who don't mind being in a big crowd or alone. These people may have a large group of friends but don't mind spending time alone. One expert wrote, “Being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean shy. It means your energy drains when you're in group situations while extroverts bathe in the energy.”

According to the article “Introversion: The Often Forgotten Factor Impacting the Gifted,” by Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig, introverts belong to two distinct groups:

▪ “Group A: Self-sufficient, confident, hardworking, with firm goals, self-actualizing, reserved, preferring activities that involve inner experience and introspection; and

▪ “Group B: Shy, timid, withdrawn with low self-concept, lacking in communication skills, demonstrating fear of people, dread of doing things in front of others, who prefer being left alone.

Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP)
To complicate things, throw into the mix the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) who has often been labeled as shy or introverted but isn’t necessarily. I’d heard the term but never read up on it. A highly sensitive person is a one who is very easily affected by things. They are said to have a “high sensitivity,” but this isn’t learned behavior or personality type. People falling into this category, which represents about a fifth of the population, are biologically wired so they process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems. People who are HSP are more aware of and responsive to other people's moods and judgments, and to their own inner feelings. They can be either introverts or extroverts, shy or not shy.

The key point: In the past, HSP was often confused with innate shyness, inhibitedness, innate fearfulness, introversion, and so on. People who think of themselves as shy may actually be HSP.

Who are you?
Knowing who you are and why you react the way you do makes a difference when you’re trying to find your personal path in the world of writing and publishing. There are many choices to make. Some may be right for you, others wrong. You may be willing to work at overcoming your shyness, you may not. That’s a decision the individual has to make. Behavior modification is possible, but it’s hard work and requires commitment. Some writers may choose to work around shyness rather than attempt to overcome it.

I overcame shyness in relation to making public presentations before large audiences, TV cameras, and political bodies (such as City Councils) simply because I had to. It was a requirement of my job as a Planning Director, and the more experience I had under my belt, the less anxious I became. I also found that I was less nervous when I knew my topic cold. In some positions, I had to present the work and reports prepared by my staff, and that was much more difficult for me. But I’m still shy about talking to strangers and meeting new people.

After doing this research, I thought about all the writers who I, personally, have heard say, “I’m shy.” Not necessarily as an excuse, but an explanation…even a confession. Then I thought about what my editor would say if I wrote, “She was shy.” She would tag me with the note: “Lazy. How does she feel? What is she thinking? How is she reacting? Show it.”

If we, as writers, take apart our own feelings and reactions in the same way as we deal with our fictional characters, perhaps it will be easier to find what works best for each of us. Be true to yourself.

R. Ann Siracusa has been writing fiction and non-fiction for over thirty years. While working in her chosen career of architecture and urban planning and raising a family, she made time to travel and to write fiction. This talented author combines the love of good story telling and experiencing other cultures into novels which transport readers to exotic settings, immerse them in romance, intrigue and foreign cultures, and make them laugh.

Today, she is retired, lives in San Diego, California, and writes full time [which is as many hours as an Italian husband, three grown children, and eight grandchildren will allow on any given day]. Her first novel, a mafia thriller, was published in 2008. Since then, four additional works have been published by Sapphire Blue Publishing, books one and two in the humorous romantic suspense series “Harriet Ruby: Tour Director Extraordinaire,” and two short stories featuring the same hero and heroine. The third book in the series is scheduled for release in August, and a third short story in September.

She has been active in Romance Writers of America since 1985 and recently served two terms as Co-president of the San Diego RWA Chapter. You can learn more about R. Ann on her website and Facebook.

You Might Be a Shy Writer If...

Please welcome romance author Jill James to the blog. Jill recently sold Tempting Adam, a contemporary romance, to The Wild Rose Press.

You Might Be a Shy Writer If . . .

(Borrowed shamelessly from Jeff Foxworthy)

. . . You use your children to ask questions of the salesclerk at the store.

. . . You need your husband to give you lessons on how to talk to people on the phone.

. . . You think a few drinks at RWA National to loosen you up are a good thing.

In my case, all of the above is a true statement. For years, my painful shyness caused me to use my children to ask questions, to not be able to talk to people on the telephone, and to think a drink or two or more was a good idea.

Any true introvert knows that the extrovert that comes out after a few drinks is not a good one. A true extrovert is friendly, outgoing, and knows how to act in public.

At my first RWA National in Reno I was painfully shy. I used to joke that I would rather face a firing squad than speak in public. That doesn’t mean a speech. I’m talking about talking to others in public. Unfortunately, some introverts are not experienced in the public arena so we say stuff and do stuff we wish we could desperately take back.

So, some hints to be just a little extroverted.

1. Ask others questions that they will like to answer and leave you free to just nod and listen. For example: what are you working on? How are you enjoying the conference?

2. Compliment their wardrobe. Be sincere. Mean it when you say you like a necklace, earrings, or dress.

3. Be confident. At any large gathering of writers, we introverts have the numbers. Remember lots of agents and editors are introverts too.

So, readers, what hints do YOU have that make you feel more extroverted and outgoing?

Jill has loved to write since she first began putting on puppet shows in her garage for a nickel a person. Her first love was poetry until she picked up her first romance novel, after that it was all romance. She writes contemporary romance, romantic suspense and paranormal romance. She is a member of RWA since 2004 and a member of the From The Heart chapter, Black Diamond chapter, Kiss of Death chapter, and ESPAN chapter. She has been writing romance for a few years with a few poetry contest wins and a published short story, Lunch Break. When Jill isn’t writing you will find her reading, her other passion. She lives in Northern California with her husband, who is the inspiration for all her heroes.

You can find Jill James at her website, Facebook, and Twitter.

The Shy Writer's Guide to Promotion, or Why I Love the Internet

Please welcome historical romance author Victoria Gray to the blog.

Personality tests tell me I’m an extrovert, though I suspect I actually straddle the line between extrovert and introvert. It may seem a contradiction, but I’m a reserved extrovert. It takes me a while to warm up to people, and I don’t look forward to making small talk with people I don’t know. Once I’m comfortable with you, watch out – I’ll talk your ear off. But before that time arrives, I’m rather quiet. So, the idea of book signings and face-to-face promotion isn’t incredibly appealing to me. I’ll do what it takes to promote my book, but I’m a writer, and I communicate best through the written word. That’s where the Internet comes in.

The Internet is a wonderful tool for writers, shy or not, to promote their work. Whether you’re pre-pubbed or a bestselling author, the Internet is a tremendous promotion resource. However, with so many promotion opportunities offered by the web, sorting through the options can be a bit mindboggling. There’s no way you can keep up with every Internet promo option that comes along. So, prioritizing is essential.

In my humble opinion, every author needs a website. Your website is a way to showcase your work and give your readers and prospective readers a look at you as a person and a writer. Fortunately, the cost of a website is extremely reasonable. Internet hosts offer domain names (the name of your site) and often feature templates that make it easy to design and maintain your own website. It’s possible to set up a multipage website and maintain the domain name for about $100 per year. I created my webpage in one weekend and periodically update it. I’m looking to fine-tune and expand in the near future – for this upgrade, I may obtain the services of a web designer. Many web designers are reasonably priced and create beautiful sites. Ask other authors with sites you admire to recommend a web designer or share hints on designing your own site. You’ll be surprised at how affordable a great website can be.

A blog is another vital tool for authors. You can set up your own blog or participate in a group blog. I’m a monthly contributor to Seduced by History, a blog comprised of historical romance writers, and contribute to other blogs on a guest basis (thanks, Rebecca!). I’ve visited several blogs in the past few months to coincide with the release of my historical, Destiny. I’ve posted historical articles, interviews about me, interviews about my characters, and a few posts that were just for fun, such as my tribute to bad boys on Seduced by History last month. An author can readily set up a blog within a few hours. Oh, did I mention that blogs are free? Sites such as WordPress and Blogger offer free blog space with a variety of bells and whistles for a price no one can deny is a bargain. What could be better than free?

While we’re thinking about free resources, an author should invest the time to set up Facebook and Twitter accounts. All it takes is an email and a little time, and you’re good to go. I’ve noticed many top bestselling authors have Facebook and Twitter accounts, and they post a great deal more than information on their books. One of my favorites, Teresa Medeiros, frequently posts pictures of her pet cats and reports brief anecdotes on their antics, reflects on recent movies and book releases, and posts pictures of gorgeous men. Her posts and tweets display a personal touch. This is endearing and makes her all the more relatable to her readers. To be honest, I’m working on this aspect in my posts…I’m a work in progress. I’m held back by the question – Why would anyone care about this? After all, I’m not famous or bestselling. But hopefully, if one or two “friends” can relate to something I’ve posted, they might become interested in my writing.

Twitter is another resource I use. I have to confess to being very limited in my tweets. I try to focus on writing, not watching the Twitter feed, which can become somewhat addictive. Some authors are masters at using the tiny bits of information you can put out with Twitter to promote their work. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it.

Online loops are another great free resource. I post excerpts and information on blog postings, new releases, and other items of interest (at least, I hope they’re of interest!) on my publisher’s online loop and also on my RWA interest group loops. Online loops are also terrific sources for networking, support, and research. The Hearts through History group is a treasure trove of writers with expertise in everything from medieval weaponry to the proper way to address a Baron. Other special interest groups discuss everything from erotica to the paranormal. Whatever your writing interest, there’s a group for you.

What Internet resources do you find most useful? What would you suggest to authors for promotion? What about advertising on websites? Have you tried it? Would you recommend it?

Victoria Gray wrote her first story soon after she started elementary school. When she was in the third grade, her mother bought her a Smith Corona manual typewriter. She was officially a writer! A trained librarian, Victoria uses her research skills to explore other eras in time. Her interest in research is a perfect fit with her work as a writer of historical romance. Victoria lives in Virginia with her own hero, her husband, Greg. The mother of two sons who are used to their mother burning food to a crisp when she runs back to her computer to write just a little bit more, she enjoys cycling, hiking and long walks on the beach when she’s not writing, reading or burning dinner. You can learn more about Victoria's writing on her website, her group blog, and her book trailer.

Don't Be Intimidated

My name is Marianne Strnad and I am not a shy writer. However, I have spent many years being extremely intimidated by people, which can outwardly resemble shy.

I thank Mom for giving me the “outgoing personality” gene, but curse Dad for the “Why yes-I’d love to take your crap and not say anything” gene. Sometimes the former can be a curse when I presume too much familiarity with someone I hardly know, and the latter a blessing when trying to diffuse a very bad situation. More on this concept later.

I’m quite new to the pursuit of authoring my first novel and realize that I have just thrown myself headlong into a steep learning curve. The first thing I learned was that authorship and “all things writerly” has its own unique lingo; I’m hearing terms I’ve never heard before. Secondly, there are sub-genres of romance writing out there that I never knew existed. Don’t even get me started on all the legal stuff and self-promotion concerns that now lie ahead of me-yikes! Thankfully, the one bit of advice I have heard repeatedly is to never give up, and to avoid allowing the inevitable rejections and critical reviews diminish your dreams of writing. Unfortunately, that which registers as sound advice to some folks may not sink into the psyche of others, and those who are easily intimidated are the first among them.

Flashback to high school in the mid-seventies. It never failed that when you took a stand for something, there was always an equal and opposite force working to crush your spirit into a compromise of your standing principle. It’s a scene that repeats itself endlessly in the realm of “Us versus Them”, and is nearly always at the heart of teen angst. We’ve all been there, and it is painful to the core. When I was in my junior year of high school and in the throes of my own teenage angst, a science teacher of mine dispensed a short piece of advice to me that became my personal watershed moment in life.

I’ll never forget him. Maxwell Stewart taught physical science my freshman year. I immediately liked his laid-back style of teaching and easygoing way of explaining scientific concepts. However, two years later he witnessed a terrible fight I had with a classmate in the hallway during a class change. The classmate was literally swearing a blue streak at me for a stand that I had taken on a class issue, which of course he was dead set against. The loud brawl left me feeling physically ripped to shreds from the verbal onslaught. Afterwards, Mr. Stewart called me over and spoke this simple phrase to me, “Marianne, when somebody says something bad about you, they are really saying more about themselves than they are of you.” At the time, I remember thinking that his advice was just a “pat answer”- an oversimplification of life and more or less brushed it off. However, his advice sank in and embedded itself into a place in my brain where it lay hidden until later in life.

Over time, I realized how wise Mr. Stewart really was. Using his advice has freed me from the chains of intimidation that used to strangle that fun-loving and outgoing personality Mom gave me. Whenever another horrid situation or point of contention arose, recalling Mr. Stewart’s words released me from the hurt that I would have previously accepted into my soul by thrusting it back on the doer, much like reversing the polarity of a force. When the doer of an evil is taking their own hurt and throwing it onto you, you can either choose to accept it internally and become hurt by it, or disown the responsibility of their words by refusing to accept them. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”.

In the first paragraph of her poem “Life In This World”, my poet friend Daniella Pawl beautifully illustrates my meaning:

Life in this world
Is a journey
We feel the pain
We take it and that fire burns
It is in these burning moments that we have the possibility
To decide what becomes fuel
What becomes ammunition
So it doesn't turn on ourselves

Mr. Stewart taught me that I can refuse to let hateful words become the fuel that will devour my spirit and cause me to cower before bullies.

So, what does this have to do with writing and not being shy? It’s a fear-releaser. If you’re shy because you’re afraid to suffer the hurt of potential ridicule, then the advice I use from Mr. Stewart can possibly be your ticket out of a self-imposed fear imprisonment too. Personally, it has prepared me to avoid becoming too bruised by rejection letters, writing edits, or criticism in general. It’s my go-to coping mechanism, maybe others will find it helpful as well. Still not convinced? Watch the bully’s facial contortions as he or she spews his poison; it’s almost comical if it weren’t so sad. When in full character assassination mode, these folks libel only themselves.

Lastly, if all else fails and you are feeling particularly brave and confident in your use of humor, there’s always my favorite snarky comeback you can use post-verbal barrage, (and saying this straight-faced works best) “Sphincter say what???”

Thanks again Mr. Stewart for an unexpected life lesson. And by the way, you totally rocked that ‘stache back in the day!